P-land.

I cannot say that P-land is what I expected it to be, because i did not expect anything. I just knew I wanted to go there, and stay. Now I see how it really is. The streets are nasty, lots of beggars and poor, old people, crowdy. I go into a shop and the wonam behind the counter is tired. And irritated. Her feet ache, flyes are ruling over the bakery section, it is either too warm, cold or windy. She drives away the cusomer, with the "I'm buisy, don't bother me!" attitude and the only thing you can do is smile ingratuatingly (dictionary) and hope she will not sent you one of her murder looks. Small groups of dirty, but hapy children plan eighter how do beat up or to save a cat stuck in a hole. Young people drink by definition, you can see suspeciously looking bold-headed young men practically everywhere, gazing upon you. I am afraid to walk alone in the dark, I am afraid to go to the forest by myself, there is broken glas on the beach.


But I do want to be here. There is nothing else i have been dreaming of. I still cannot believe that THIS is now MY REALITY. And I don't know whether to laugh or cry, but I end up finding myself smiling through teers...

Driving licence II & and some stuff about emo.

I am sitting here and thinking about the state I was in after passing the driving licence test. What was it?
Most people seeing me would say: "Happiness".
How did it feel inside?
Well, the moment of getting the good news became much slower, as if time decelerated. What happened than was a lot of jumping and "YESSSSS!"es, but what was going on inside was quite different. I felt kind of calm. This feeling of everything being just right, of the world hugging me softly, of the cristal clear air and accentuated (dictionary), beutiful nature. The world suddenly did not seem like such a cruel, dangerous place. Somehow, you were a part of a net-work that every creature, every blade of grass is connected to. I knew how horrible the world is, but at the time I did not believe it.

In conclusion: What does this remind you? I only remember x (personal) times when it happened to me. And it had a stong conection to the opposite sex. can this be love than?
I claim that yes. This and lust. When you mix the two of them you get someting that makes you come up with the sentence: "I fell in love."
Because how do you know really? When can YOU tell you "fell in love"? People fighting for their love often say: "Don't you understand? He makes me feel happy!". So there you have it. You MUST be happy to feel love (at least at the beginning). And than the second thing comes in. "I met a guy and he is SOOO hot!"- this of course isn't love yet, but just lust, which can be often confused with "amore" since excitement makes you special, which in turn makes you happy, but it is not quite.. oh, I'm confused.
So, anyway, the point is that if you feel happy with someone and you desire him -you simply love him. (I am talking about real happiness here.)
I have found the definition of love:

HAPPINESS + LUST = LOVE

So, though lust is often mistaken for love and happiness forces you to in the end fancy a person you never really liked in the first place, I still think I mmight be right.
The Real, fairy-tail, Elizabeth Bennet & Mr. Darcy, Tristan & Isolda, Harry and Sally, Lucy Kelson & George Wade ("Two week's notice"), Patrycja & Baltona kind of love is just that... happiness combined with lust. Shifting over to one or the other side.
The first one only in a small part depending on the second, though.

So this is what I came up with so far.
But does it make any sens???

//kasia

Driving licence.

I passed!!!!! Forth time is the charm...

Driving licence.

I decided to be brave and try yet another time. After all there is no passing without trying... (sight)

Monday, 6 days to.

Of course I was right. Of course I did not pass my driving licence exam, FOR THE THIRD TIME. I feel miserable. That is probably the reason why..

I ate:
-a half of camembert cheese
-one portion of Kasia-made lasagne (good!)
-half a bottle of cherry coke
-come roasted chilli corn
-a donout
-a cheeseburger

Feel bad, but not as bad, probably because I've been reading "Bridget Jones Diary". This is most likely were the couting out all the things I ate comes from. It's like counting calories. Just this time I really do have a reason to eat unhealthy, mainly because I thought the test was going sooo good and than he (the examinator) pointed out soo many mistakes (pretty much: I do not look around enough and i drive too fast sometimes...) that I felt totally crushed. there is no reson to try again, cuz I will just do the same old mistakes. It's all hopeless, I am hopeless, off to watch TV.

(just like Bridget Jones would have done.)

The First Note

What made me actually begin with this journal, that is, what triggered me off,(cuz the thought of starting a blog was initiated by one of my friends weeks ago) was a met up with Oriana. Actually our last meeting for a couple of months now…
Such a sweet friend, pity to lose one like that… J

So…
I am starting my school in two months. Tomorrow I’m going to the cinema (“Someone, someone’s got to die” – Magda loved it), on Monday I am passing (read: failing) my third driving licence test. Next week, Sunday, I am flying off to P-land, than unpacking, getting a P-phone, medical books, meeting some long lost friends (buddies) and finally in 2 weeks starting my school.
What happens after that we all know – I get to study my ass off, so don’t be surprised, if I won’t update this site very day… ;P

What I really want now is: to get between my jämnåriga.. and to: unpack. I just want to put all my 3 new sweaters on my shelves in a green closet in my yellow-green (tooo bright green, perfect sunshine yellow) room. I really want to lay all my cloths on the shelves and finally feel that I have a place of my own…

New life. New life awaits. Not only for me, though that is what I picture mainly. O&S, their new rooms ( I don’t know what it is with me and rooms), their new lives, books, people and new favourite places (guys and parties!!!)… Sam in his little cottage, somewhere in the woods, without TV (enlighten me than!) and than Jo. Still here, but maybe off to a hot new environment full of dark-skinned boys and hours of sweaty work.

My future in my eyes is a student in a dark red polo sweater. In my brown coat with a big bag hanging over my shoulder I am walking on the side-walk in an alley. Above me autumn trees in my head busy but happy life.

I wish it will all work out.
I wish it will be all so beautiful,
If not,
I always have you guys to complain to.

//k.

My blog.

Okay, so I put together this side for a couple of people, to be specific my friends. Oriana, Sara, Josefine, Sam and etc. I know that you doubt if I ever will come together and visit you. And I understand that. J That’s the way I am, I will try to change. For You. Cuz, maybe I don’t tell you enough, but you are the one thing that makes these 3 (or in some cases 5 and a half ;) ) years memorable. You were the reason why it was worth going to school and simply without you I wouldn’t have made it. (I mean mainly the Exam if you wonder)

Now is the time for us to separate, I am going to Poland in about one week, Oriana and Sara are taking off to London tomorrow to start their new life in two tiny campus rooms, Sam is being all adult taking care of others (the lost ones?) in Mora, Jo will probably work in Turkey for the next 7 months…

Our lives change, but I refuse to let it change the four outcasts that somehow found a common language and hung out together. We were together, we were freaks, we were wild, silly, funny, supporting and TALKATIVE… (;P) We were together. And we have more less stayed this way until now, so I say why change it? If I cannot cry on your shoulders I can at least share my frustration with you here. I can keep you updated about all the wild, crazy, weird, hard and romantic ( ;) ) things that will happen to me. So why not? If I cannot see you every day, as I used to, than at least this blog enables you to see me, or, better said, inside of my thoughts and find out, what’s up with old, little Kasia. Maybe write a message to me? Maybe let me know what have you been up to? So that we can not only “have been friends”, but stay friends if not for shorter, than: forever… J

Let’s remember.
After all you might need a place to sleep sometime,
In Poland.
Love you all,
Kasia