Rose

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ateQQc-AgEM

(ignore the vision. lie on the bed and turn it on)

311 - Love song

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mZqEqypU4cs&mode=related&search=

Do you believe in eternal love?

Everytime I mention a boy to my mum she says "But watch out, you know how they are.. they want a girl for more sexual reasons in this age." (sounds scary, but it isn't the way my mum says it)

I would like to. -Believe.

But I see that. They talk to you, they watch you and mostly they flirt wherever they can just to score...

But I would like to.. believe.

Even starting it off they are starting something with a girl who might be nice to be with, but mostly IS A GIRL. You know relationships that might work out, but the important thing is they are..

But they cannot be that different from us? How can we be those two planets? Venus and Mars, what about relationships? Couples? Getting together and staying together for 2, 3, 4 years..?

I understand. And will not try to convince anyone: Feeling lust towards your partner is very important.. at least a little bit lust.

Sometimes I get lost in it. When is the reality I am so breafly acknowledged with and when just a fairy-tale I believe in?

I do believe in love. Sexulity is very important in relationships. Love is a state of madness - happiness. Relationships are difficult. Love is hard. Staying together no matter what. Dumping him when he's "exploiting" you.. how do you know? You don't know. "You follow your heart"? Yeah, right! What if your heart wants what is truly bad for you? What is what "your heart" wants is really hormones' and feromones' work? It isn't really that simple at all.

And this constant fight of my fairy and scientific side of man-women realtions is really 'killing' me!!

YOU OWE ME...

A picture Jo!! I won't forget it...

Flirt mechanism.

You think something like that exists?

You know, you start doing it so often and with so many guys.. (not to sound too "form one guy to another")... but it has become a habit, I today noticed* that it nowadys happpens without me intending to. It's like in the beginning I was stunned how much I could flirt and now.. I'm just doing it, without thinking. I no longer even care who it is I speak to, they all melt into one and.. I know it's just fun and messing but..

where is the love?

I miss the "old Me" who thought mainly about romantic feelings.. The flirts seem to be so shallow, the caring of the boys so common, you no longer know whether they really like you or they like flirting (e.g. with you)..

Maybe I should take a break? Take a berak... from my primitive instincts.










*sic

Just some points of my life. (sic)

My mp3 player. The only thing that makes it bearable to be conscious.

I know it sounds stupid. I mean when I tell you why it is. Because I can't get myself to study and late in the evening I feel like crap. I feel like actual crap. There is no worse feeling I have ever felt.

The worst combination ever: ambition and laziness.

I just don't have anything that get's me going.. what is it called? Yeah, I lost it somewere.. maybe never had it? Paradox - now I don't care enough..?

2) Doubt.

Lately I doubt a lot. I don't know why. I doubt in people I might like, I doubt in poeple that are supposely my friends, not to mention how much I doubt in myself. I guess we all do that last one, but the rest. There' s just too much questionning.. feel there are not many I can trust, or at least they are in Sweden. Dought! (I don't know how Homer says it)..
What is up.. I seek up conspiracy everywhere.. even in poeple I first though they'd never do what I catch myself suspect them of.. I tend to look at my well, buddies, with.. the awareness of their negative sides. I only am content with people I hardly know. Strangers, they come and go, they don't know me.. maybe I just don't want to.. oh my. I know what's wrong.

But it's kinda shame that I've been in this uni for over half a year and I still don't have anyone I can tell everything to.. I guess these things take time. And during that time you discover all the different plains of a person, right? Noone is perfect.. Neighter am I. Sometimes it feels there is just one major thing I lack. Sometimes, like today, it feels like if I'd try to be right in all senses of that word there would be not much of me left..

Sometimes I wonder: Change or not to change? How do I know when to change? How do I know I won't simply grow out of it as they used to tell me (and were well, to some extent, right)? It's said that changing requires hard work. How do I know this is the thing I should put my effort in and not it "will come by itself"? Sometimes it feels like people tell me to change, just to make me more like them. Cuz I am not like regular, and "should be". Should I really stop caring that much? And if so: why? Is there really a reasonable reason? You tell me my friends, after all you know me the best.. in all the situations. ;)

Idea. (Good, good one!)

Hi folks!
I'm back home, I mean the second home. It's funny. Cuz my "home", meaning the place where I belong, want to be overall, is P-land. Sopot. But my Home is the little yellow house at Tinnerbacksgrand 16. There's my mum, my sister, my dad, my bed, my bathroom (I have a thing for bathroms.. ;) ), my cat.

I don't know what to write more. I met up with Josefine (you're probably the first one to be reading this.. ;P) It was fun. I start to realize how much I miss you. How much I like you Jo. I know, probably things wouldn't be that rosy if we met every day as we used to, but.. but.. but.. :( We could hang out around town, remember? That was fun. Now we can't. And that sucks. SUCKS BIG TIME!

Nothing else to say.
Sam, if you start a blog the chance of us keeping in actual touch will very much so increase. Or maybe..

guys.. maybe we should set up a time to meet on msn? Like if anyone is willing to talk that will be the time to go online. Ori? Sara? "What say you?" ("The Lord of the Rings") ;D

P.S. Give propositions when you can. I say Thursday or Saturday are good days. Not a very stressfull day the day after. ;) (preferribly in the evening..)

I'm comming home!

I am comming home. And I have stuff to tell.


Hate the adult life, it's so difficult. ;)


I'll be in Lkpg on Monday only, stupid a.s didn't tell you before.
Meet me people, otherwise I will wilter.