2) Doubt.
Lately I doubt a lot. I don't know why. I doubt in people I might like, I doubt in poeple that are supposely my friends, not to mention how much I doubt in myself. I guess we all do that last one, but the rest. There' s just too much questionning.. feel there are not many I can trust, or at least they are in Sweden. Dought! (I don't know how Homer says it)..
What is up.. I seek up conspiracy everywhere.. even in poeple I first though they'd never do what I catch myself suspect them of.. I tend to look at my well, buddies, with.. the awareness of their negative sides. I only am content with people I hardly know. Strangers, they come and go, they don't know me.. maybe I just don't want to.. oh my. I know what's wrong.
But it's kinda shame that I've been in this uni for over half a year and I still don't have anyone I can tell everything to.. I guess these things take time. And during that time you discover all the different plains of a person, right? Noone is perfect.. Neighter am I. Sometimes it feels there is just one major thing I lack. Sometimes, like today, it feels like if I'd try to be right in all senses of that word there would be not much of me left..
Sometimes I wonder: Change or not to change? How do I know when to change? How do I know I won't simply grow out of it as they used to tell me (and were well, to some extent, right)? It's said that changing requires hard work. How do I know this is the thing I should put my effort in and not it "will come by itself"? Sometimes it feels like people tell me to change, just to make me more like them. Cuz I am not like regular, and "should be". Should I really stop caring that much? And if so: why? Is there really a reasonable reason? You tell me my friends, after all you know me the best.. in all the situations. ;)
What is up.. I seek up conspiracy everywhere.. even in poeple I first though they'd never do what I catch myself suspect them of.. I tend to look at my well, buddies, with.. the awareness of their negative sides. I only am content with people I hardly know. Strangers, they come and go, they don't know me.. maybe I just don't want to.. oh my. I know what's wrong.
But it's kinda shame that I've been in this uni for over half a year and I still don't have anyone I can tell everything to.. I guess these things take time. And during that time you discover all the different plains of a person, right? Noone is perfect.. Neighter am I. Sometimes it feels there is just one major thing I lack. Sometimes, like today, it feels like if I'd try to be right in all senses of that word there would be not much of me left..
Sometimes I wonder: Change or not to change? How do I know when to change? How do I know I won't simply grow out of it as they used to tell me (and were well, to some extent, right)? It's said that changing requires hard work. How do I know this is the thing I should put my effort in and not it "will come by itself"? Sometimes it feels like people tell me to change, just to make me more like them. Cuz I am not like regular, and "should be". Should I really stop caring that much? And if so: why? Is there really a reasonable reason? You tell me my friends, after all you know me the best.. in all the situations. ;)
posted by //k. at
12:28 AM
5 Comments:
hm, well, have they done anything to make you not trust them? something to deserve trust? if neither, then i spose you can test them, or just wait and see what happens..
i dont really have anyone to tell everything to either; i have different people that i can tell different things, but added up its not everything either. which sucks.
in what way do you mean you should/shouldnt change?
Well, it's just what people say.. different people different point f views and when do I trust and when should I be cautious? Cuz I always should watch my back, but you can't live like that can you?
The second part: you are absolutelly right jo. There is no "telling everything to one person", it's about time I realised that... ;)
Cuz I care.. you know.. I get "overlysensitive". That's pretty much what I am asking about. Should I chill more or maybe it doesn't really matter?
xox
//k.
like when they give you advise you mean? i dunno. you cant know those things. you cant go through life not trusting anyone, and you cant be too naive either. its a fine line.(i cross it both ways like all the time..) i spose you just have to go with what feels better.
well, you could.. it might be different for different people. i still think its good to have more people, even if youre closer to one..
ah, that! hm, it might be good for you not to freak out over unimportant things? but i mean, thats up to you.. :)
What are "unimportant things"?
i dont know. i suppose i mean more like things that you cant do much about either way, which makes it sorta pointless to worry about them.
though you cant really choose not to be bothered..
hm.. i dunno.. confused now.. gonna go sleep for abit.. (still sick btw. got way worse after sunday night, world is flinching perpetually..)
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