:(

My group yet another time did not go out. I know you know I am not a party animal, but I would like to do something from time to time. I feel like sent to a deserted island. And most of the time it fits me very well, but not tonight. Not these past 2 weeks. You know, at home, I lived with 3 other people, it's quite a company, I never could really be alone, I had to go out for a walk to do that. Now the situation is reversed. I am alone basically all the time and would like to go out not to be that anymore. And I know it's med school, and i know it's university and responsibility for your own actions, but for the first: We could go out once in 3 weeks, right?! and for the second (probably the most crushing): We always plan and never do. I get excited and wait for that day just to find out everyone in bailing on me. Sucks big time. Now they are planning again, but I do not believe in it this time. I can only see the scary anatomy test the day after tomorow and therafter chemistry and histology. With the perspective of passing only possibly by luck and feeling unsatsfied and humiliated just to come back to an empty house knowing the only thing I should do is study. And I WOULD like to do it, just not to feel that terrible the next day, and I DO like the subjects I am studying and i could even say do like the studying itself, but feeling so miserable just makes me wanna go to bed and stay there.

I guess it is called having a bad mood. I guess this is called being down. But what can I do if there is no social force to drift my study willingness. Or maybe I shopuld say me being happy. HOw can I keep on doing stuff, when at the time nothing makes sense?
Maybe except for my university. How can it be possible that right now I feel like the only thing I have left is my med school? The only thing that can surprise me, the only thing that is constantly changing and interesting. The only thing that envolves and goes forward, cuz people here don't keep their promisses (and the scheduled anatomy test does). Sounds stupid, you say: their only fault is that they changed their minds a couple of times... (though was last minute) ...

Stupid Kasia, frankly, if I don't go to today's pary I will start to have some hidden feeling against them, and darek just called asking if I'm going... well, what can I do if not go?! Oherwise I will go COMPLETELY MAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11